Growing Pains

My birthday is coming up in roughly 6 weeks.

I will be 25.

Where did the time go?


I'm slapped in the face with this realization almost every day. I can't believe how fast that time flies. It seems like just yesterday that I was studying the drivers manual for my written permit test. Not 10 years. I was so excited! I couldn't wait to drive. It was a sense of freedom, control, and all around coolness. I craved every minute of it, and even wanted to be older. Can you believe it? I WANTED to be older. 
Think about it. We were never just "12"...........we were always "12 and a 1/2". Or "I'll be 13 in just 8 months!". Never satisfied.


At 12 I wanted to be 13 because then I would be a "teenager".
At 13 I wanted to be 15 because I could get my driving permit.
At 15 I wanted to be 16 so I could drive by myself.
At 16 I wanted to be 18 so I could be counted as an adult.
At 18 I wanted to be 20 so I wouldn't be a "teenager" anymore.

GAH!!!! When do you stop? When do you stop wishing your life away?

For me, I think it stopped about the time I turned 21. Of course, I got married that year and everything was going fine. I felt as though I had reached a point in my life where everything was just so great, I wanted time to slow down, but it didn't. It sped up.
I swear, I don't know where the last 4 years have gone. I only blinked once......maybe twice.....and here it is again. My birthday.

Now, please don't misunderstand me. I am eternally grateful to God for giving me another year. And I will celebrate this birthday just like I have celebrated every other birthday. Because I really do enjoy them.
I guess I'm just being overly sentimental today.
See, when I ponder my life, I also ponder many things that have happened in my lifetime. I wonder about choices that I've made, people that I've met, pets that I had......... And as a matter of fact, today my horse passed away due to lung problems. I hadn't gone for a ride in years, but I'll still miss going out and talking to her at the fence.
I have had many pets in my lifetime and they've all died before I could truly appreciate them. And why? Because I was too busy wanting to be older. I just pray that I never let that happen with the people that I love.

I talked to a friend of mine today, also. I've known her for almost 10 years, and she was Maid of Honor at my wedding. Basically, we decided to "see other people". Not saying that we're not still friends, but we're just not on the same page with our lives right now.
This made me sad too, even though we both agreed that it shouldn't make either one of us feel bad over our decision. If you have to try to come up with things to talk about, chances are you've outgrown each other, and eventually, it's just too tiring for the both of you. So, you agree to see each other every 6 months or so and discuss your lives over a cup of hot chocolate and move on. What else can you do?
Because, time does go on, and people do change. I'm not the same as I was 5 years ago......shoot....I'm not the same as I was 1 year ago. Truth be told, I'm glad because I'm pretty sure my husband and I couldn't live together if we were both the same as we were 8 years ago when we met.

After 25 years, though, I think it's mostly safe to say I'm starting to settle in to who I am.

A person that likes her life.
Likes spending Saturday night at home with her husband watching British television and eating ice cream.
Likes how on special occasions they drink Welch's grape juice out of stemmed glasses.
Likes the fact that she's so close to her family, both physically and emotionally.
Likes the way she can talk about herself in the third person.........

OK, maybe not that last one. But it is fun sometimes. In reality I will always be a kid at heart. Here I was wishing to be older, but I never completely grew up. And maybe, you're never supposed to, completely. If you can't have some fun once in a while, this life can get pretty tiring. Although, a young woman told me once "You are not a typical 23 year old. You're just weird! Who wants to stay home on weekends? Who doesn't drink? Who doesn't live with their boyfriend before getting married?"
Me. I guess that's what makes me weird. But as I've said before, I like being weird.

So if you're young and reading this blog, please take advice from me. You may not know me personally, but I wished my life away and never took time to enjoy where I was at. Don't do that. Enjoy being whatever age you are right now, because time moves so quickly it won't be long until you're grown. And you can't go back. Ever.

As for me, I'm going to enjoy the rest of 24. I don't know what will happen these next few weeks before my birthday, or even the weeks to follow, but I want to make every second count. I want to be happy and praise God for all of his blessings on me and my family. I want to spend lazy days with Dan and cook suppers for mom and dad, joke with Russ and Skyla and play with Madysen just as much as possible. Yep. I want to enjoy who I've become. No more taking time for granted, and no more wishing my life away. Each day is a gift, and it's time I started appreciating it.