Wednesday, July 10, 2013

The pregnancy hoax?

So the doctors say your pregnant? 

Congratulations! 

Now what?

You wait, that's what. 

I'm sure part of it is the anticipation of seeing our first little one, but it seems as though time is going slowly. Another part is probably because I found out so early. I suspected my pregnancy 6 days before I took my first positive home test, and 11 days before I had a confirmed test by a doctor. At the time of the doctor visit I was told I was 5 weeks along. So I guess you could say I'm one of those women who knew right away. I managed to keep it a secret from everyone (except Dan of course) for another 2-3 weeks until I went to an OB/GYN and get completely checked out. Luckily for me I felt bigger than I needed to be for 7 weeks, so I got an early ultrasound. I say luckily because I think that was the only thing that truly made my mind accept that there was a baby in there! 

After that first doctor's visit, I felt normal for a couple days. Then, the morning sickness came. Once it was here, I hated it. Mostly because it wasn't "morning" sickness. I was sick all day. Sick and exhausted. By the time that I went back to the doctor at about 11 1/2 weeks, I was sure I was going to need some kind of pill or something. It turns out the only pill I needed was a good talking to by my doctor, who reminded me that everything was normal and that once I hit my second trimester if things weren't better she would prescribe something for me. Once that second trimester was here, it was like everything was over. Once I was able to get up right away of a morning, and stay up later than 7:30 at night, I felt like I had dreamed everything. I still wasn't showing and I wasn't sick. So what happened to the baby? 

Once I hit about 15 weeks, I "popped". My belly started sticking out and once again I felt like there was actually something happening in there. At my next doctors appointment, I was asked if I felt the baby move yet. Move? I still wasn't completely sure there was actually anything in there! I asked if I should be feeling it move by now, and they said it's not very common. Most women don't feel their babies until at least 18 weeks. I listened to a sweet heartbeat, that I'm pretty sure wasn't mine, and I was once again reassured that this wasn't some huge joke that someone was playing on me........until now.

Although my stomach is still growing, here I am at almost 18 weeks and haven't felt movement. So now I just feel fat. Every pregnancy is different, so I know there is still a baby in there, and I get to go to the doctor in less than 2 weeks. Once I'm there I get to see how much it has grown, by having my first ultrasound in 12 weeks. I'm very much looking forward to it. I will also get to stop referring to my child as "it". Lord willing and the baby cooperates, we'll know if it's a he or a she. 

Ever since I can remember, I have wanted to be a mommy. While there were other things that piqued my interest, having a husband and family of my own is the only thing that I have ever wanted. And now after 4+ years of marriage, we came to a point where we said "ok, it's time." 
The fact that I didn't have any younger siblings, and had never seen my mother pregnant worried Dan. I am the youngest of 2, he is the oldest of 9, so he had seen more pregnancy than he cared to know about. Not to mention the fact that most of those were home births, so all he wanted to tell me was how much I was going to scream during the birth and how horrible my hormones would be while I was carrying this child. I know I've had bad moments, but I'm hoping I'm not near the terror he was imagining. 
I remember when we first started dating and we would talk about getting married and having kids. We had a fight once about me giving birth at home. He wanted me to, and I........well.....didn't. There is no part of my brain at all that says this would be a good idea. At all. My idea of a safe birth is in a hospital, surrounded by doctors and nurses and access to drugs. Lots and lots of drugs. I didn't say that I will be using them, but it's nice to know they are there should the need arise. Plus I have lots of back and pelvis issues and I'm not even sure that I can give birth the natural way. After a lot of talking and explaining my feelings, Dan seems to have crossed over, and is now completely for the whole hospital birth thing. Which makes me feel even better. 

If you are one of the many women out there that gave birth at home, kudos. I admire you and think you are very brave. If you also went completely drug free, again I say you are an amazing person. I don't feel that I have the strength to do it. 

I know all these feelings are normal for a "first timer" and even through the sickness and the worry......and even though there is years and years of sickness and worry to come.....I have to say I'm enjoying the ride this far.