I'm Baaaaack!

Well, everyone, I have finally returned. As I'm sure you noticed (or at least I hope you noticed), I have been MIA for quite sometime now. To tell the truth, writing in my blog has not been my number one priority. There have been so many changes and issues to get through the last few months, it's been all I could do to survive my normal day to day, much less try to write down how I'm feeling about it. 

For the past 9 months, I've been trying to function as a full grown adult with, what feels like, a little girl trapped inside. And if it were up to the little girl, and if I would allow myself, I could slip so easily into a deep depression that I know not how I could escape from, that I would wind up spending all day, every day, in bed.....eating. "All this is because your mom died?"  Yes. I know that it's difficult for some people to understand, but it's true.

The past couple of months have been better, and some days I'm actually glad to be out of bed. 

I've often thought of seeing a psychiatrist about my depression issues. It's still not out of the question, and has even been suggested to me by a few people.......my husband being one of them. I told him I would go if he would. We've kind of stalled out there. I actually feel like that with God's help, I'll eventually get passed a lot of this, and He has helped me a lot already, so I will probably just wait and see how it goes. 

 

Dan and I found out the first part of April that we are to be parents come December, and while I was so happy and excited to find out, I also felt a deep sense of guilt and sadness at the same time. My first thought was that my mom wasn't going to see it. I had several days of crying and praying and talking to various family members after that day, just so I could get a grip and understand that mom wouldn't be mad at me for going on living without her, and that everything would be ok. 

When I told Dan how I was feeling, his response was a simple question; "Knowing everything your mom went through, would you really have wanted to have a baby before she passed?" 

I had never thought about it that way, and he was right of course. It all comes back to the fact that God's timing is perfect. Regardless of wether we see it or not, He's got everything under control. 

He is sending us this baby when He wants it to come, and that is something to be thankful for. 

I'm nervous about this baby. For several reasons. Normal everyday new mom things.....I hope.

 The main one being that I've never had a child before and I don't know what to expect. I don't handle pain well, so I've already told my doctor that I want drugs. No joke, I'll take whatever kind they want to give me and as soon as they want to give it. Lol. 

Next, I'm afraid that I'm not going to know what to so with this kid once I get it home. I mean, what if it cries all the time and I can't get it to stop no matter what? Am I going to have the natural instincts to handle that? I've always heard that when it's your child it's different. Everything just comes to you, and is completely natural. I pray this is true, and everything will go as it should. My main prayer is that the baby is healthy. 

Dan says that I should worry about him because he doesn't think he'll be that great of a dad. I, however, disagree. I think that, like me, he'll have a hard time at first, but when we survive those first few weeks (months), he'll be a natural. He's already showing signs of greatness by worrying that he won't be good enough. He wants to make sure he's a good provider.....that his child is going to have bigger and better opportunities than he had. He's talking about traits that he hopes the baby will and will not inherit from him......and me. 

To me, these are all signs of good dad material. Though he hasn't said it in the conventional way yet, I know he loves this baby. He proves that by going to work every day to provide for us, by helping me pick out names (even though he doesn't want to, and would rather leave the name blank so the child can pick it out on their own), and by helping me out whenever he can. I read once that the very best way to be a good dad is by loving the baby's mother. I think he can handle that. 

I always remember my mom's words of advice when it came to Dan and children; "He'll be really good to you when you're carrying the baby, but don't be upset when he doesn't get all excited about it. He won't think a thing about it other than worrying about money and you. But once he is there with you when you have it, he'll love it, and that baby will be have him wrapped around it's finger." 

Mom was a smart lady. <3 And I'm counting on her to be right this time. 

December is still pretty far away and it will be a while before I know the answers to all my questions, so until then, I'll continue to think about names on my own, buy little baby things, imagine what he/she looks like, and pray that it's growing healthy inside me. You know. Mom things. 

Proverbs 31 Woman

PROVERBS 31:10-31

10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

14 She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. 
16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.

31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

People can interpret bible verses so many different ways. I know of some that would probably read this and say "Ok, to be a virtuous woman I have to make all my own clothes for me and all my family, spin my own wool, grow a vineyard, never touch any makeup, and be perfectly kind to every single person I meet. I don't necessarily see it that way. Let's talk a little more about this.

 

I was recently reading a post on Facebook, entitled;

"10 things NOT found in Proverbs 31".

I was intrigued, so I read it. It goes like this;
‎

10 THINGS NOT FOUND IN PROVERBS 31

1. Her coffee table never has dust on it.

2. Many have eaten off her kitchen floor.

3. Better Homes and Gardens just did a photo shoot in her living room.

4. She does all of the housework herself while the kids play Wii.

5. All of the words that flow from her children’s mouths are blessed.

6. All of her children are straight A students, musical geniuses, and all-star athletes.

7. Her hair is always fixed perfectly and her make-up is artfully applied.

8. She does not touch make-up or hairspray because it is vain and the art of Satan.

9. She never makes a bad decision.

10. She is classroom mom, PTO President, the bearer of orange slices at soccer games, and the church committee queen.

I can't really say why, for sure, but that really slapped me in the face. Was it because it was wrong? No. It really doesn't say that in Proverbs. I think what really got me was the fact that I was trying to be.......this person. The "NOT found in Proverbs" woman. Let me explain. 

Ever since my mom passed away, I've been wanting to be perfect. OK, not perfect in every way, but a perfect wife. I wanted to get my house in perfect condition, keep everything put away, always have nice meals cooked to perfection, wonderful desserts (home made at least once a week), the yard all landscaped and kept mowed all the time, and basically just everything........perfect. 

I thought if I could do that, I would be someone that mom would have been proud of. I would be the type of woman that she was. 

Now, after re-reading that last sentence, it gives the impression that my mom was perfect......and she was. As my mother, she was perfect. Was the house always clean? No. Were there always 3 home made meals a day? No. Did she always think before she spoke? No. But she was perfect? Yes. 

"11: The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil."

"12: She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life."

"28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her."

My dad has said many times that he couldn't have been more blessed to have had my mom because she was a "virtuous woman". I never really thought too much about that when I was younger. Mom was just......mom. She did her best to make sure her family was taken care of. She paid the bills on time, kept the house as best she could (until she was too sick to do it anymore), cooked, took care of all of us, and so much more. But now as I've grown, I say she was wonderful.

"15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens."

"20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy."

"26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness"

OK, so there are lots of ways to interpret these verses, but I can say that mom always took care of her household. She didn't always get up before dawn to make dad breakfast, but he was still taken care of. Maybe mom didn't volunteer at a soup kitchen every weekend, but I can guarantee she never let anyone go hungry in her presence. And her words were always spoken with wisdom, even if it didn't seem kind at the time.

"30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised."

Verse 30 says it all. "A woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised." This is what mom was all about. She feared God and was a servant to Him all the days of her life. That is what made her a virtuous woman. That is what she wanted from me, and what would make her proud. It doesn't really matter if nothing is perfect, because I can still be a virtuous woman by trying to do my best. By trying to be what God wants me to be and by following Him, fearing Him, and serving Him. 

This doesn't mean that I won't fail. That I won't still try and have things perfect, even though I know that it's next to impossible to do, but now I realize more than ever that the first thing on my list should always be fear God and put Him first. 

Thanks, mom. You have taught me the true meaning of being a true Christian wife and mother. 

I pray that I can be just like you. 

The Anniversary Edition

Allow me to tell a story. Why? Because I'm feeling sentimental today. See, today is my 4 year wedding anniversary.

I love my wedding band set. Dan did a good job. 

My story may seem a bit long because I want to tell every memory that I can squeeze in, because most every one of them sticks out in my mind......just like it all started yesterday instead of 8 years ago.


My story starts one day in 2004, when my brother told me that he was looking for an acoustic guitar player for his bluegrass gospel band. He told me how his band needed better balance, more drive, and just a solid sound in general......and it wasn't happening while he was playing guitar. He needed to be playing mandolin. So, the search began.
Honestly, I don't remember what time of year that was. I just know that a few days later, a fellow musician (a fiddle player, to be more exact) came in to the music store. He asked Russ how the band was coming along and Russ explained his current situation. The fiddler spoke to Russ about a young man he had met just that year. His name was Daniel O'Callaghan and he picked a flat-top like nobody's business, was 21...........and was a Mennonite. I wasn't there during this conversation, but Russ told me later how he had argued with the fiddler. How he told him that Mennonite people didn't play music, but had finally just shut up about it and arranged to meet the young man.
When the day came that "Daniel" was supposed to come up for an audition, I couldn't help but be excited. I was loving what Russ was doing with this band. I had just started getting into the bluegrass sound at this time, and the the fact that my brother was attempting to form a real bluegrass touring band was intriguing to me. Plus I was 16 (almost 17) at the time and there was supposed to be a 21 year old male musician coming around that evening. Why shouldn't I be excited?
Later that afternoon, I was teaching a fiddle student, when I needed to accompany them on one of their songs. I didn't have a guitar in the room with me, so I decided to borrow one from the wall out front. I picked a Martin acoustic that we had. In fact, it was the only Martin we had in the store at that time. After I grabbed it, I headed back in and finished up with my lesson. As I was right at the end of the lesson, I overheard Tyler talking to someone, explaining how a section of a song was to be played. He was here! I strained to listen, but I wasn't able to hear anything that he played. When I finished up with my student, I came out of the teaching room, I looked all around, but I didn't see anyone different. I thought maybe I had made it all up and he wasn't really here yet at all. No, he was here......in the bathroom. I stalled around a little, wanting to get a look at this guy before I left. I had tried and tried to imagine what he looked like since the minute I knew he was coming, and I'm afraid I had built up quite the story in my mind. I knew he wasn't a Mennonite because of playing the guitar, so I wasn't worried there. I had imagined him to be......"the one". I thought maybe we'd see each other and fall instantly in love. Then we'd date, marry, and live happily ever after. You know, teenage girl fantasies. Finally, the bathroom door opened and he walked out. He was.....not what I expected. He was just about my height, painfully skinny, and he wore these huge glasses. He was just wearing plain blue jeans, and a green long sleeved shirt. Hmmm. I shouldn't have built him up inside my mind. I just had a feeling that he was going to be something special, but I guess I was wrong. This wasn't going to be the man of my dreams. And it wasn't love at first sight. I mean, after all, he didn't look or act like I was expecting him to, so I just shut him out.....or tried to. Unsuccessfully, I might add. For the next few months, I thought about him quite often, and I was excited to go to any Mount Zion show just so I could see him. He was so quiet, and I was pretty backward when it came to men, so we never talked. But I could sit in the audience and look at him, all the while trying to figure out what exactly I was feeling for him.

This is what Dan looked like about a year into our relationship.
I would have loved to have found our first picture together, just so you could see how much we've changed. 

By June of 2005, through a series of Mount Zion shows, practices, and family events that happened during the time that "Daniel" was staying with Russ, we had actually started talking to each other a little. The more that I talked to him, the more I liked him. He had a really good sense of humor, he was sweet, kind, super smart, and the fiddler was right. Not only was he an outstanding guitarist, he was an all around amazing musician. I also learned that he hated being called by his full name, so that stopped immediately. From that point, he would forever be "Dan".

I remember one June night that year when we all gathered at mom and dad's (then my home as well) to watch a video of Russ and Skyla's recent trip to Alaska. Dan and I sat next to each other on the sofa, completely an accident of course, and ended up making fun of that video all night.
(Now, Russ and Skyla are reading this, I'm sure, and I do want to apologize for us doing that. It's not something we originally planned to do, but you gave us so much material to work with. "Here is our room.......here is our bathroom......here is our ironing board....." We just couldn't help ourselves.) It's still one of our great memories that we feel helped bring us together, and we still laugh about it today.
I believe it was the next day at the music store when Dan and Tyler started playing a little song. They had just written it, and Tyler suggested writing words for it. I, however, suggested it be an instrumental and how it should be named after me. A day or two later I received an email from Dan telling me about how my song should have a "dreamy and imaginative title......like "Nikki's Song". Being the dummy that I was, I took that as a compliment, and thought that he must really like my name. I came to find out later that he was being sarcastic. Oh, well. Sometimes we girls have to imagine compliments.
By the time July came around, we were chatting on a semi regular basis. He had asked me to be in a show with him and Tyler and we would form an acoustic trio of contemporary christian music. The "Acoustic Worship Experience", also known as AWE, would debut at the Garden Show in Mansfield MO in August, so we spent a lot of time working on songs for that show, and just generally getting to know one another.
My 18th birthday was July 23rd 2005. I was in town early that afternoon when my cell phone rang. It was Dan asking me to have mercy on him and come to Russ's and pick him up. When I asked why, he replied with just two words; Alaska video. Apparently Russ had company and was planning to show them the dreaded video that very afternoon. I agreed to come pick him up, and we decided it would be a great time to practice for our upcoming show. I had asked Dan to be at my birthday party a few weeks prior, so he would have been over that night anyway. I told him I was to have a Rascal Flatts cake, made in to the shape of the "dead dog" that was for so many years their logo. I told him that if he came to my party, he could have any piece he wanted. He said he wanted the little "x" eyes. I knew he was joking, but I never forgot that. At my party that night, I served his piece of cake first, before I even got one of my own. I'm sure you can imagine the look on his face when he received a piece of cake with 2 x's on it. After the festivities were dying down at the house, we decided to take a drive to the "Louisburg Picnic". A yearly event that always falls on or around my birthday. It's almost like a county fair, and it's just about 12 miles from where I live.
That's the night it happened. That's the night that we officially became "us". We were already a couple before that, but it was never really noticed......by us. Everyone else knew, but we were in completely oblivious.
We were watching the band perform on the stage, when this girl who was probably about my age got up to sing. One of the band members introduced her as "the most beautiful girl in the world.....inside and out.". I just kind of sat there making a face, when Dan scooted closer to me. I smiled and so did he. Later on, when that same girl started to come out in to the audience, I leaned closer to Dan and started teasing him about how some chick was after him. Then I said "Well, she's not getting you while I'm here!" and I reached out my right arm and linked it through his left. The first time we ever touched, and neither one of us wanted to let go. We held hands the rest of the night, and much of the next day, while traveling to and from church. Our official relationship wasn't determined so much that day, as it was the following Monday on the phone when we talked for 3 hours. That was the start of many.....MANY.....long conversations we would have over the next 2 years. Living apart was pretty awful, but I think it made us appreciate the time we were able to be together all the more. We talked about anything and everything, including that first day when I met him at the music store. He openly admitted his annoyance with me for "taking the only decent guitar in the place" away before he even had a chance to play it. I hadn't even seen him there, so I guess the love at first sight that I had planned on hadn't happened with either of us. I don't think that actually exists anyway. Love is something that develops and grows the longer you're together. But I guess that's a discussion for another time.

Even if I did have time to tell you every event that happened in the 2 years following that fateful night, I probably wouldn't. Let's just suffice it to say that we had a lot of good times, some bad ones, we fought, we made up, we went out, we ate in, and Dan ended up moving to Buffalo to be close to me on December 30th 2006. On my birthday in 2007, I was turning 20 and it was our 2 year anniversary. We had planned to spend the entire day together, starting with breakfast. I arrived at his apartment about 7:30 AM, if my memory serves correctly, and went inside to take his gift. I had actually thought we'd eat first, then come back to open the presents. I had only thought this because I knew Dan's stomach. See, he may have been painfully thin when I met him, but after being around me, mom, and our amazing cooking skills for 2 years, he had grown into a healthy boy. (And he actually grew in height as well, and is now a couple inches taller than me.) But when I went in, he wanted to open our gifts first. I thought it odd, but wasn't going to refuse. He gave me several things, including an MP3 player, and when I thought we were all done, he stepped over to his computer desk and picked up an envelope. He said there was "just one more gift" he wanted to give me. I somehow knew what was in that envelope. When I opened it, I saw I was right. It was a gold band with a single diamond on it. Right next to it was an empty taco sauce packet from Taco Bell. Now, if you've never seen one of these, they have clever sayings on them, such as "Ahhhh, we meet again." and "I see how you look at other sauces."
This particular one read "Will you marry me?" You may think this an odd way to propose marriage, but I loved it. It was completely Dan. I was in shock for just a few seconds, and I remember asking "Are you serious?"  I also remember Dan being so nervous that he replied with "NO! Not serious at all! This has just been one big, expensive joke!" I can laugh about it now, but at the time, I felt a little guilty for even saying what I said, even though I didn't really mean it. I knew he was completely serious. And I was thankful.
He was the one for me, and I knew it. I said "yes" and we both cried. We waited for a few weeks before setting the date for the wedding. I actually remember setting the date for August 23rd 2008, on August 23rd 2007. I knew it had to be a 23rd of the month when we were married, because that was our number, and we wanted to wait at least a year. It just worked out.

One of our engagement pictures.

Wedding picture! 

Thus our marriage began. It may not have been "love at first sight", but it has grown and blossomed into more than I could have ever hoped for. I've never once regretted being married to Dan. He's absolutely the best, and I couldn't have picked anyone better to share my life with. He is my rock, my strength, and my best friend. He's always there for me no matter what. We've had rough spots.....we've fought.....we've both said or done things we regret.....but we still love each other with all our hearts. Through all this sickness with mom, he's been there, standing beside me, holding me up because I was too tired and emotional to handle it by myself. I've been at mom's every day, and most every night, making it so Dan has to take care of himself. He does a wonderful job, but I miss being his helper. I miss my house. I miss going to sleep with him by my side. I miss him waking me up as he leaves for work. But this too shall pass, and I will be home with him again. Until that time, I just brag on him to everyone, telling them what a wonderful, understanding, considerate person that he is, and I mean it. He truly is the best, and I thank God every day for sending that not so skinny anymore, never was a "Mennonite", guitar player into my life.

This is us today. We've changed......just a bit. 

Thank you, Dan O'Callaghan, for everything you do for me, everything you are to me, and everything our life will be. Most of all, thank you for loving me the way you do. I love you more today than I ever have, but I'm sure I'll say the same tomorrow and every day for the rest of my life. I couldn't live without you, and I just wanted to take this opportunity to make sure you know it. 

Time to do the diet thing.

Alright, so I've been bad. I missed my goal of posting a blog every week. Shame on me.
I won't go into a lot of detail right now, but I do have a good excuse. Mom's pneumonia didn't go away, so we took her to a specialist. He said that mom's problem wasn't pneumonia at all, but the tumors in her lungs had grown. A lot. He said they were stage IV and there was nothing they could do and we should just call Hospice. 


That was over 2 weeks ago.


Since that time, she has started an herbal treatment and a very strict diet......and she's gotten a bit better every day. In a few months, I fully expect to be writing next chapter of her story in "God's Miracles----Part 3". I hope you all will come back and read that. I wish I knew when to tell you it would be, but everything is really slow right now. 


Meanwhile, I need to post a blog. So, I thought to myself "What's going on in my life right now that's different?" This diet! When mom started her treatment, dad and I promised her that we would be with her every step of the way. Although we can't take the tea that she's on (because you have to have cancer), we are following her diet to the letter. 


It's in no way a "fun diet". I don't know about you all, but I have never enjoyed dieting in any way, shape or form. I love to eat too much. Pizza......pastas......breads......sweets.......you know. All the stuff that tastes awesome but is't good for you in the least. 
Let me tell you a bit about me and the way I liked to eat. First off, you should know that I was a caffeine addict. Seriously. A year ago, I was drinking 3 or more 44 oz Dr. Peppers per day. I would drink about a glass of plain water once a week.....maybe. I thought it tasted horrible! I ate out for breakfast every morning, and some of my favorite things were McGriddles from McDonalds, Monster Biscuits from Hardees, Breakfast pizza from the convenience store, and Breakfast Burritos from Sonic. I got one of those things every morning. EVERY morning. Not because I don't know how to cook, and not because I don't like to cook, it was because I craved fast food. Mom and I would catch breakfast on the way to the store, so that put me eating breakfast about 9:30 AM, which was good, because my caffeine headache would have kicked in by 10. Then usually for lunch, I'd grab some tacos or a cheeseburger, and it was never at lunch time, because I wasn't hungry at lunch. It was at least 1:30 or 2 before I'd eat. Supper time came and I'd get home about 6:30 and either start cooking or eat, depending on whether or not Dan had started it. Normally we'd have some kind of meat, and either rice or noodles.
Now, I loved this diet. Loved it. I felt like I was eating all this wonderful stuff that I loved and I had nothing to worry about. But........in the 3 years that Dan and I were married, I had gained 30 pounds. I reality, that's only 10 pounds per year.......0.83 pounds per month......0.03 pounds per day.......Anyway. It's not a lot......but for an woman in her early twenties, it's a lot. Plus, I would wake up sick every morning. That was the main reason that I didn't want to eat until 9 or so. I seriously felt like I would throw up every single day. People would tell me that it was the way I was eating, but I paid them no attention. I was constantly warned about the trouble of drinking so much pop every day, but I ignored them. 
It really hit me about the first of the year about how much that I had gained and how that was probably really the cause of the problems I'd been having physically. So, I made a "resolution", if you will, that I would gradually ween myself off caffeine and I would only eat out once a day. And that's what I did. After that, I only had one 44 oz caffeinated pop per day for several weeks. Then, I went down to just one 44 oz pop.....period.....for several weeks. It was hard! And I had lots of pop cravings. But, I was determined and stuck with it. Then it went down to a 32 oz once per day and stayed there for a few months. 
During this time, mom got sick and we stopped eating out so much, and eventually we didn't eat any fast food at all. What surprised me about this, was the fact that after a couple weeks of eating no fast food at all, when I did decide to have a burger or something, it tasted pretty bad. And honestly, when I ate a McDonalds burger, I got sick to my stomach.....while I was eating it. That had never happened before. Something else that changed was that I wasn't sick every morning anymore. I was hungry within 15 to 20 minutes of waking up, and I wanted my meals on time. I was even being hungry between meal times.
I gradually went down to a 20 oz soda per day, and only ate fast food about once a week.....maybe. That wasn't an all the time thing. Just once in a while when neither Dan or I felt like cooking, or we wanted pizza. That I can remember, pizza was one thing that never got old or tasted bad. 
After mom had the brain surgery and started recovering, we ate a little more fast food than we had been. Not a lot, but a little. And when she got sick with the pneumonia, there were very few things that actually sounded good to her, so we'd give her whatever she wanted. Mostly, it was Chicken McNuggets from (of course) McDonalds. While I didn't eat them every time, I did eat more fast food than I had in several months. I started becoming sick again, though only on days that I had eaten fast food the day before. 
By now we're closer to the current time.........when the strict diet kicks in. Almost three weeks ago, when mom was told she had Stage 4 Lung Cancer, we heard of an herbal treatment that has worked for many people. The only catch is you have to completely change the way you eat for it to work. And I do mean completely.
When she agreed to take the treatment, I made her a promise that I intend to keep, and I have done it so far.

Here's the diet:

The "don'ts"

1. No meat.
2. No sugar. (That is white refined sugar. Honey is alright, so is a sweetener called "agave"
3. No dairy. (The exception to this rule is you can have straight from the farm goat's milk)
4. No breads.
5. No nuts (except almonds)
6. No jams, jellies, condiments or salad dressings of any kind. (except the "Bolthouse" brand)
7. No flour. 
8. No soda
9. No artificial sweeteners of any kind. 

The "do's"

1. All the vegetables we want. (Organic is best.) 
2. Certain fruits are OK, but nothing high in sugar. (Pineapple, Strawberries, etc)
3. Organic or Cage Free eggs are fine.
4. Organic brown whole grain rice is great for this diet.
5. Organic oatmeal with goat's milk, sweetened with honey or agave is wonderful for this.
6. Lots of water.

Now then. Does anyone see the issue here? There is no pizza or chocolate cake on this list. How will I ever survive?

I'd like to say right off, that, I'm sure some of you out there read this list and are saying exactly what I said when I got it; "Yuck." I never said that to mom. I am always reinforcing the fact that we have good reason for doing this, and it won't stay like this forever. We don't intend to go back to eating as unhealthy as we were before, but it will be more like normal than it is now. I've never been a big vegetable eater, anyway, so if we couldn't have eggs.....I probably would starve. Of everything, I think the thing that I was most resistant to try was the goat's milk. Milk is something I've always been very particular on. I like Hiland brand. End of story. So when dad told me he was going to buy goat's milk.......I wasn't very excited. I had pretty much decided I would just do without milk until mom was cured and thing would go back to normal. But when dad brought the milk home and we tried it, I was shocked! I couldn't believe it was so good. After that, things started getting a bit better. However, I do miss the bread.....and the meat......and the cold cereal......and the....oh, never mind. It's awful how when you're on a diet everything looks good. It's kind of disgusting......and annoying all at the same time. Sometimes I dread to even watch TV because the commercials make me hungry. And walking through the grocery store? Forget it. I have to keep repeating to myself what I'm in there for, otherwise I'll catch myself looking at something and thinking "Oh, that would be good!". I'm weak. I've been that way ever since I was 13 and went on my first diet. I've always been chunky, and sometimes just down right fat, but I've never had the restraint to keep myself from eating all the foods that I love. I will, however, make it through this time. Because I'm not doing it to loose weight (even though I am losing some), I'm doing it to keep my mom. And that is my strength.

As an aside, if anyone has any vegetable only recipes, I'd love to hear them. We're running out of ideas! lol 

Learning to wait.

Lamentations 3:22-25
It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not.They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.The Lord is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in Him.
The Lord is good unto them that wait for Him, to the soul that seeketh Him.



Isaiah 30:18
And therefore will the LORD wait, that He may be gracious unto you, and therefore will He be exalted, that He may have mercy upon you: for the LORD is a God of judgment: blessed are all they that wait for Him.



Isaiah 40:31
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.


Psalm 37:9
For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the LORD, they shall inherit the earth.




I really like those verses. Mainly because we've spent so much time lately waiting on the Lord.
Mom's pneumonia is slowly but surely getting better. We knew it would, but we had no idea it would take as long as it has. In reality, she's only been on her antibiotics for two weeks, and the doctor says it could take a month to 6 weeks before she's back up to par, and even then she could still be weak and winded. The Lord has been with her, and will continue to be with her through the recovery process. I sometimes wonder why she had to get this illness right after the things she's been through with her brain surgery and all........but I try not to question. It's for a reason, and one day maybe we'll know. Until then, I have to learn to "wait". After all, His ways are above my ways, and His time is not my time. So, what can you do? PBW. Pray, Believe, and Wait. As I've said before, we're not people who believe that you just pray once and then you're done. 1st Thessalonians 5:17 says "Pray without ceasing", and there are many days that I am in, what seems to be, constant prayer. It's not out loud, but I pray from my heart. My true desires are there, and God hears me. 

• "Please, Lord, just make mom better." 
• "Please, Lord, help Dan and Dad at their jobs today."
• "Please, Lord, send some business our way if we're meant to keep this store."
• "Please, Lord, help Skyla at her interview today."
• "Please, Lord, get rid of Russ's headache because he has tons of stuff to get done."

Maybe some of you think praying for headache relief is silly. I don't. A hundred thoughts like that per day run through my mind. I'm sincere. I just want what's best for my family. They mean everything to me and I just want them to be happy and healthy. The praying is the easy part. The believing is harder, but all it takes is the tiniest bit of faith and it grows and grows. The waiting is the hardest part of the process.......but I must admit that my impatience is an inherited trait. 
Dad gets extremely nervous while waiting. When I talked to him last night, he admitted this fact, and said that sometimes he couldn't understand why Jesus made us wait. Back in Bible times, almost everything was immediate. He said "God never changes, so sometimes I wonder why miracles aren't still immediate?" I responded with "I know some of them still are, but Dad, Jesus also let some people die just so he could show his power and raise them from the dead.........we really don't want that happening now, do we?"
He agreed with me, said that however the Lord wanted to handle things now was just fine with him, and we changed the subject.
Mom is patient........most of the time. Though this pneumonia has really drug a lot of her "good nature and temperament" to the point of screaming on most days. I think sometimes if she would actually scream, it would help her to recover faster. I know what it's like to be sick, but I don't know what it's like to have something that makes it; impossible to go outside because you can't breathe, a two person job to get you to the bathroom, and you so tired that you want to sleep but can't because you have insomnia. I guess it's just miserable, and I can't blame her for complaining.
Russ, on the other hand is probably the worst of us when it comes to the patience department, especially when he's worried. I can understand that as well, because he feels as though if someone's sick, they need care as soon as possible, and there's not a moment to waste. Sometimes that just can't happen, and he doesn't understand why. He couldn't understand why mom wasn't better after 2 days of antibiotics. After 2 weeks, you can imagine what he's thinking. At least the past couple days mom has shown improvement. I would have Russ AND dad jumping down my throat if she didn't feel better. 
And what could I do? I could take after my husband and lecture them. That's about it. Being married to Dan for 4 years has taught me a thing or two about psychology, human thought processes through asking simple questions, and the art of a good lecture. 
My parents tell a story about me a lot. It's the story of when I was born. Mom and Dad were married not quite 2 years when Russ was born. When he was about 2-3 years old, they wanted to have another baby, so their kids would be close in and grow up together. But they couldn't get pregnant. It went on for years and they were beginning to face the fact that it wasn't meant for them to have another child. Mom had always wanted a daughter so she prayed, and prayed, and prayed. Nothing happened. Their only son was about 16 years old and mom had some female issues that worried her so she went to see her gynecologist. Her cycle had been terrible and hadn't stopped, and after an exam, the doctor told her the news. She'd had a miscarriage. It was heartbreaking for her. I don't know what she went through that day, but I know it had to be hard. Not long after that when Russ was about 17, mom's cycle stopped altogether. She was scared because of the previous miscarriage, and perhaps there was something wrong with her. She suspected everything except what was actually wrong with her; Me. 
They couldn't believe it. Their son was graduating high school and mom was expecting me. Mom never wanted to find out from the doctor what she was having. She knew that her prayer had been answered and she would have a girl. And obviously she was right. If you can't already tell, the reason for this story is I think that was a huge lesson to them about patience and waiting on the Lord. 
Something that is so hard to realize about waiting, is the fact that we can't see the future. I mean, if I had been born back when mom and dad first wanted me, there's no telling where I would have been when mom lost her arm. Or when the brain tumor hit? It's amazing to think about. I'm not bragging on myself by any means, but I am glad that I'm here close to help when they let me. I like my little comfy house, I love my husband, and I am incredibly blessed.
I think about that sometimes when I'm having trouble waiting. I can't change the past, I don't know the future. All I have is the present. And I'm not guaranteed that. So, we trust in the Lord.....and we wait.

Men, Women, and Father's Day.

Since I've started this blog, I've tried to post something at least once a week. It's kind of a goal I've set for myself. It gets me thinking and pondering, and hopefully coming up with an amusing or funny story I'd like to share in the process. Eventually, I hope to get better at it, but I hope you all stick around while I'm trying to get there.

Today the thought that is floating around in my brain has to do with men and women and their differences in the way they do things, as well as Father's Day coming up Sunday. So maybe I can shove these two thoughts together. Let me see........Father's Day.......differences between men and women.......I've got it! 

As all the faithful readers know, mom has had some health problems for the past few years. This last episode leaving her pretty much down for the past two months, and probably 3 to 4 more coming up before she gets back to where she needs to be physically. In the mean time, dad has had to step in and take over the household chores. I fill in where I can, but they are both so independent, dad would rather work at his job all day, and work in the house all night than have me do stuff for them. So, I do what they'll let me do. 

Now, that being said, let me give you a little history on dad; 

I remember as I was growing up, dad would come home for lunch every day. He got a full hour, but it would take him roughly 10 minutes to get home, followed by 10 minutes back after lunch. It would still leave us time to eat, and then watch a partial episode of the Andy Griffith show together. I loved this schedule! Mom would have a big meal cooked, because dad loved to eat. Still does, really. But she was the stay at home mom, so the house would be clean and picked up, a big lunch fixed, and part of the time there would be pies or a cake or cookies or something good in the oven that morning for dessert the rest of the day. And it would be home made. Because, according to daddy, if it's not home made......it's not any good. If for some reason mom wasn't able to have a big lunch, or supper, and was running late, she would just put cold cuts and cheese on the table for "fix your own" sandwiches. Dad didn't like that. He felt as though if he had to have a sandwich, at the very least it should be assembled for him. True story. 

Dad is the hardest working man I've ever known, always has been, always will be. He would work 12+ hour days, standing on concrete floors in the meat shop as a butcher, come home and work for hours at his sawmill, take care of all the animals, including the 10 or so head of cattle he had for years, not to mention anything else that needed doing for himself or a friend. It was always dark when he left of a morning, and dark when he came home at night. But, it needed to be done, so he'd do it. He is still that way. The only difference is right now he's having to take care of mom's territory; The house. 

A couple weeks ago, I told them I wanted to clean their house for them. Believe it or not I was allowed to!  So, I took mom to therapy at 9AM, and when she was done we picked up some "brunch". We were back home by 10:30. After I got her settled in for a nap, I started to work. 

• First things first. I knew I wanted to fix supper, so I pulled some meat out of the freezer to thaw. 
• Next I picked up some odds and ends that were scattered here and there and put them away. 
• Then I started dusting, vacuuming and sweeping in every room except the kitchen. I always do it last.
• I cleaned both the bathrooms and emptied the trashes. 
• I remade dad's bed that he'd been sleeping on because it was wrinkly. 
• I walked to my house to get some yeast to start some home made bread. 
• Did a load of laundry.

I did all of this without waking mom up. I felt like I was pretty quiet, and things got done without her being disturbed. I like this! After I had finished all the picking up, dusting, vacuuming and sweeping in every other room, I started on the kitchen. 

• I cleaned off the cabinets (because dad has a bad habit of piling things on them)
• Wiped everything down
• Swept the floor
• Emptied the dishwasher and then put the dirty dishes in it
• Emptied the trash
• Finished my bread so it could raise. 

Feeling very accomplished, and mom had woke up by this time, so I came to town, paid some bills and bought a few things I needed for supper, then proceeded to come home and start fixing said supper, as well as 3 loaves of home baked bread. Now, I was done with everything with some time to spare. I stalled supper a bit so it would be hot when dad came home. I pulled the last loaf of bread out of the oven at 5:30. 

What does this have to do with my subject? Because this is a big difference I've noticed between men and women, and the next part of this discussion involves my dad. See? I knew I could do it. Let's give an example of how a man would handle something similar to this.

When dad's off, he never spends a full day in the house, but my wonderful dad was home this morning. While he does everything well, I can't help but notice that he does it in a very inefficient manner. He can't cook his breakfast, and mom's breakfast at the same time. They're having 2 different kinds of eggs, yes, but other than that...........

Then, he's cleaning the kitchen after breakfast. He's practically running through there. In all fairness, though, that is dad's manner. He's always been that way because he has a lot to do, but faster is not always better. 

I felt bad this morning because mom was trying to get some extra sleep after breakfast. There was no way ANYONE was going to sleep at that time. Dad was banging on plates, slamming the dishwasher door, stomping across the floor while taking scraps outside and then slamming the door, stomping back across the floor as he came back in. All the while trying to talk to me. Every move he made jarred mom awake, and she'd look at me with a sour frown as if to say "I wish he'd just be quiet!" 

To top it all off, cleaning the kitchen alone took him an hour. AN HOUR! I felt like a nervous wreck by the time he got done. He's like this with most inside chores. 

So here's my question; Do you think that men are just unaccustomed to doing household chores, therefore making it seem harder for them to handle? Or, God has given women special patience when it comes to running a smooth house? Or, is there another reason?

There are "Mr. Mom's" out there, and my dad is great at getting things done, so I am in no way complaining. I'm so very proud to have a dad like him. I just can't help but wonder if things like this are one of the reasons men and women are made so differently. Oh, and so I'm sure to come full circle on my subject, Happy Father's Day to all the great dads out there......especially mine. 

I would love to hear your opinions.

DISCUSS! 

Just a bit.....

.....of miscellaneous info. This way you can get to know me, if you don't already.

I'm Nikki O'Callaghan and I have a hard time describing myself. Believe it or not, I'm not that good with words, and am a terrible speller. So much so, in fact, that I'm still reveling in the wonder of how I spelled "miscellaneous" all the way through the first time with no mistakes! Gold star for me!

OK, so now we know I'm an awful speller, most of the time I'm grammatically incorrect, and I have a hard time making sentences.........so why am I writing a blog?
I'm not really sure what it is. I guess the strong desire to vent the ideas that are constantly roaming around in my head. As for myself, I love reading blogs and finding out cool stuff about people that I didn't know, or a recipe that sounds good, or reading about their travels to other places.........so, I feel like if one person can get some enjoyment out of MY craziness, I'm good.

I was homeschooled for all 12 grades and loved every minute of it! I am a strong homeschool advocate, and have no problems promoting homeschooling to friends, family and even complete strangers. I am thankful to God every day that my parents had the foresight to pull me out of public school.  I don't feel as though I missed a thing. I had a prom, a graduation ceremony, and a class ring. I was in plays, music concerts, choir concerts. We had field trips......everything a public school kid has, and a whole lot more. I won't get in to a whole lot of details right now, but I do plan on doing a post about homeschooling in the near future.

I've been married now for almost 4 years to my best friend. Dan and I met in 2004, we started dating in 2005, got engaged in 2007, and married in 2008. Our story is a very interesting one, and someday, I will most likely tell you the tail. It includes mistaken identity, music, heartbreak, reconciliation (Woo! Another gold star!), and talk of far away travels. I know you won't want to miss that.

My wonderful parents, brother and sister-in-law, nieces and nephew and grandmothers keep my life pretty busy, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I love helping my family! Sometimes do so much for them, my husband tells me I'm putting myself on the back burner, but I can't help it. I've always been that way.
I was born 17.5 years after my brother, and we are the only two children. It's been different, but we know God had a plan by sending me so much later than my brother. It has become obvious in the past few years, when mom was diagnosed with Chondrosarcoma cancer and had to have her right arm removed.  She does so great on so many things, but there are still times when she needs assistance. So, enter me. Dan and I live right across the street from mom and dad, and whilst some people tell me they can't understand how I can live so close, I have no problems. You will be gradually introduced to some of these crazy and wonderfully lovable characters in the near future as well.

That's pretty much all I'll get in to right now, because after all, this is just an introduction, and I don't want to overstay my welcome. I hope that in the future we will be good friends, as I welcome you into my life, and hope that you find it as amusing and lovable as I do.

Until next time,

Nikki